Shafaq News

The sound of raised voices has followed Amir Khaldoun for most of his life. He was only five when his parents separated, too young to understand what divorce meant but old enough to sense that the world he knew had changed. The arguments eventually stopped. The marriage ended. Yet the fear that settled into his childhood never truly left.

“Since I was five years old, I have been afraid of loud voices,” Khaldoun told Shafaq News. “I've lived with the fear of losing people, and I still feel that something has been missing since my parents separated.”

What remains are memories of a childhood marked by anxiety, a lack of emotional reassurance, and the feeling that home had become unfamiliar almost overnight.

“I grew up afraid of everything and unsure of myself,” he recalled. “Even people close to me used to call me ‘the one with the shining tear’ because I cried so often after my parents separated.”

“I never found anyone who could support me emotionally. I grew up between neglect and difficult circumstances, and I still carry the effects of that period today.”

Khaldoun's memories are deeply personal. They are also becoming increasingly common.

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Every month, hundreds of Iraqi families leave personal status courts having legally ended a marriage. In June alone, courts across Iraq, excluding the Kurdistan Region, recorded 6,250 divorces, an average of nearly 208 each day, according to the Supreme Judicial Council.

For parents, each case closes a legal chapter. For many children, it can mark the beginning of a much longer one.

The consequences can emerge in the uncertainty of moving between two homes, the loss of familiar routines, or a lingering fear that life may never feel stable again. Such experiences can shape children long after childhood, contributing to anxiety, depression, behavioral difficulties, and a diminished sense of security.

A May 2026 report in The Lancet Psychiatry noted that some children withdraw from friends, while others find it difficult to trust those around them. Many simply learn to hide what they are feeling.

Yet the emotional impact often depends less on the divorce itself than on what follows.

Despite the steady rise in divorce cases in Iraq, services specifically designed to help affected children remain limited. Schools and social institutions often lack clear mechanisms to monitor their emotional well-being before temporary distress becomes a lasting burden.

Tahira Dakhel, a professor of children's literature at Al-Mustansiriyah University, believes this reflects a broader misunderstanding of what children need after divorce.

“Providing material support alone is not enough,” Dakhel said. “Children need emotional security and a relationship with both parents.”

She called for specialized government institutions to provide psychological, educational, and social support through structured programs that follow children's recovery over time rather than responding only after problems emerge.

“Maintaining a child's relationship with both parents is in the child's best interests,” she added, arguing that weakening that bond without necessity can have emotional consequences well beyond childhood.

Schools are often among the first places where children's struggles become visible. A child who suddenly becomes withdrawn, loses interest in school, or reacts with unusual anger may be showing signs of emotional distress linked to problems at home.

Read more: Iraq’s Controversial Personal Status Law: The future of girls at a crossroads

Mariam Al-Fartousi, head of the Alice Organization for Family and Child Affairs, said schools have an important role in identifying children affected by divorce, but that role remains limited in many parts of Iraq.

Educational counselors, she said, need stronger tools to recognize psychological difficulties caused by family conflict and provide early support. “The absence of such programs leaves many children struggling without proper guidance.”

The first formal encounter with the consequences of divorce often takes place in personal status courts, where decisions are made about custody, financial support, and family arrangements. For children, those proceedings can turn a private family crisis into a public reality.

“The child is often the first victim during separation procedures,” Al-Fartousi said, noting that some children witness their parents' separation in court without psychological support to help them understand what is happening.

Social researchers also examine family circumstances, speak with parents, and assess which arrangements would best protect the child's interests before submitting recommendations to judges.

Nebras Ali, a social researcher working in one of Iraq's personal status courts, said the process requires looking beyond the legal dispute.

“We take into consideration the child's age, psychological condition and personal preferences, as well as the ability of either the father or mother to provide a stable environment,” Ali told Shafaq News.

“We also examine the family's financial, social and behavioral circumstances before submitting a professional report to help the judge make a decision that serves the child's best interests.”

Social researchers become involved before a divorce is finalized and, where possible, try to determine whether reconciliation is possible. In some cases, couples decide to remain together.

“In exceptional cases, we may recommend placing a child in a social care institution if staying with either parent would expose them to serious psychological or social harm,” Ali said, adding that such recommendations are subject to legal procedures and intended as a protective measure rather than a routine solution.

For many children, however, the decisions made in court represent only one part of a much longer emotional journey. Doha Shaheen knows that journey well.

Using a pseudonym to protect her identity, she remembers being seven years old when she last saw both parents living together.

“I was very young when I saw my parents together under the same roof for the last time,” Doha told Shafaq News. “I did not understand the meaning of divorce then, but I understood that the home where I used to sleep safely was no longer the same.”

The experience shaped the way she viewed relationships, leaving her afraid that any family she created could eventually face the same fate.

Read more: Soaring wedding costs push Iraqi youth away from marriage

“I grew up carrying the effects of that experience…I feared building a family that would end in the same way, but I went through the same experience myself.”

Today, Doha has three children.

“They are living through the same wound that I experienced in my childhood,” she said, describing the realization that the effects of her parents' separation had not disappeared with time.

“I did not know how to overcome my parents' separation, and I did not understand that life had to continue,” she recalled, describing her childhood as a time dominated by loneliness rather than play and carefree memories.

Social researcher Manahil Al-Saleh said children respond to divorce differently depending on their age, personality, and the environment their parents create after separation. Many, however, share a sense of lost stability.

Younger children may struggle to understand why their parents separated and sometimes blame themselves, while adolescents may express distress through behavioral changes, social withdrawal, or difficulties in their relationships.

Major changes in daily life —such as moving to a new home, changing schools, or dividing time between two households— can deepen that sense of instability. Continued conflict or poor communication between parents can also leave children feeling caught between them.

“Over time, some children may lose confidence in themselves, struggle to build stable relationships and begin to see emotional connections as uncertain or temporary,” Al-Saleh said.

She stressed, however, that divorce itself does not determine a child's future. Parents can reduce its emotional impact by explaining the separation in an age-appropriate way, reassuring children that they are not responsible, allowing them to express their feelings, and continuing to cooperate in their upbringing.

For Amir Khaldoun, those opportunities came too late.

He remembers what followed his parents' separation: the fear of loud voices, the feeling that something was missing, and a childhood spent trying to understand a loss he was too young to explain.

His parents' marriage ended years ago. Its impact did not.

Read more: Vanishing vows: Why Iraqi marriages now fail in months, not years

Written and edited by Shafaq News staff.